Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone

For those of us just beginning our experience with coaching or deciding whether or not to begin coaching at all, “stepping outside your comfort zone” is a loaded phrase. It can call up images of a drill sergeant, yelling at you to drop and give him twenty – or a sweetly earnest self-help guru making it all sound so easy when it isn’t. And what’s so bad about a “comfort zone” anyway? Isn’t being “comfortable” what we are all struggling to achieve, anyway?

Not exactly. The irony about life is that if we are to live at our highest potential, it usually means that we are going to have to do some work. The struggle, in other words, is real. We can’t get the job of our dreams or find our life partner or double our salary unless we’re willing to risk failure, rejection, or heartbreak. We have to be willing, at least in theory, to experience some pain. Growth usually means discomfort.

But you already know this. As a kid, you probably faced discomfort all the time. You had to. Learning to ride a bike, moving to a new home, starting a new school – all of these were experiences that were scary and uncomfortable. But you survived them, and when the dust settled, you usually found that you had grown. You got bigger, and so did your world.

But this all gets harder when we’re adults. Humans are hardwired to be on alert for threats and potential injuries. The biological purpose of fear is to keep us safe and healthy. Anything that might hurt us – physically or emotionally – is something to be avoided. And unlike children, adults can control their environment. So we stay in the “comfort zone” – a warm, cozy space that is completely familiar, completely safe, devoid of risk or rejection (all the emotional threats.)

It keeps us protected. It keeps us happy.

But it keeps us small.

What we need to understand is that growth happens once we take that step outside of our comfort zone, and growth is what makes us feel like we are really “living”. Growing is living!

As Barry Michel and Phil Stutz discuss in their book, The Tools, the comfort zone may make us feel good in the present, but at the cost of our future. While we luxuriate in the known and familiar, our dreams can slowly slip away. Change is scary, so we put it off for another day. And another. And another. Until we’ve run out of time.

In order to change, and grow, and get the things we want, we have to be willing to get uncomfortable. And getting uncomfortable means getting familiar with fear.

So how do we do that?

1. Take baby risks. Think about something small that sends you running for your couch and the nearest Roku. It can be anything – attending a social event where you don’t know anyone, making a speech, or pinging that person on Linked In that you’d love to talk to about that career switch you’re planning. Before you completely ditch the idea, ask yourself, what is really scary about this? Many times we create a terrifying story in our minds that isn’t even a realistic outcome. Tell yourself that this is just an exercise in contrary action. There’s nothing at stake. Nothing to fear. And do that one tiny thing. Do something scary. Once a week.
2. Make fear your friend. Jimmy Iovine, superstar music producer and the founder of Interscope Records and Beats, learned early that fear could be an asset. If he pushed through fear it often invigorated him and gave him a jolt of energy to succeed. He decided to turn it into a “tailwind” instead of a “headwind.” As he explains it, “you just gotta figure out a little judo to get fear behind you instead of in front of you.” Fear has a tremendous energy to it. Yes, it can block you if you let it. But it can also give you the boost you need to really go after what you want.
3. Put it out there and get support. When it comes to stepping out of our comfort zone, the hesitation often comes from fear of failure or embarrassment in someone else’s eyes. So share your feeling with someone, it can take the pressure off and also get you some encouragement.
4. Sign up to learn something new. This can be in anything. Look at what your local community college offers. Or stop at the pottery place you keep driving past. The point is to be a beginner again, at something. Let yourself not know anything and preferably be in a room of other people who don’t know anything either. You’ll be amazed at how liberating it can be to be new at something.
5. Thank fear for its service. When fear really has its grip on you, the best thing you can do is thank it. Tell it that it’s been good to you, that you’ve appreciated all it’s done, and then urge it to move on. You will be amazed at what you are capable of letting go when you actually decide to take action to do so. The mind is so powerful but also very accommodating to our demands, sometimes all you have to do is tell it what you want. After all, we are the ones in charge here.

You owe it to yourself to live the life you’ve always imagined for yourself. If you’re ready to finally step out of your comfort zone and get bigger, please schedule a free thirty-minute consultation with me here.